2004-06-06
Ho and wuss
DEARABBYTROBY: I am almost 22 and become very emotional when I hear about friends who are expecting. All my friends from high school have children. My mother already had two children by the time she was my age.My boyfriend and I are madly in love; however, he continues to tell me he's not ready to be a parent. We don't take precautions when we have sex, but I haven't become pregnant yet.
Abby, should I be feeling desperate to have a child? Am I rushing parenthood? -- WANTS A BABY NOW
DEAR HO: Just because your mom was an unrestrained whore, doesn't mean you have to be one. Fortunately for you, you're not as dumb as your boyfriend who doesn't want to be a parent but doesn't use protection. Before we get too far, here's a little lesson in reproduction: Babies are made when people have sex. Now, take the cock out of your mouth and listen, don't rush to have kids, in fact, you should wait as long as possible until your reproductive parts no longer function because believe me, the rest of the world isn't as eager as you are to bring another person like you into the world. When your boyfriend inevitably breaks up with you, you'll be glad that you won't be another pathetic single mother. However, if you do get pregnant and your boyfriend threatens to break up with you, be glad that abortion is around for people like you. -- TROBY
DEAR
ABBYTROBY: I am a college freshman (female), living more than 300 miles from home. Despite the distance and the fact that I am 18, I am still under my parents' thumb. They call me every day to ask what I ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They chose my major for me, and the prospect of spending my life in that profession doesn't thrill me.I have never had the strength to tell my parents how I feel or what I think, even when I knew that they were wrong or unfair. I love them and respect their opinions, but I believe I deserve more input regarding my own future -- especially since I am paying more than half the cost of my education. How can I free myself from their well-meaning, but strangulating nets? -- FRUSTRATED IN NEW YORK
DEAR WUSS: Tell those overbearing control-freaks to go back to managing their own worthless existences instead of yours. This might be difficult to do, but you have to realize that if you don't, you'll end up in some job you hate, married to some guy who is more loyal to his favorite sports team than to you, you'll cry yourself to sleep every night, and every day will be the worst day of your life. Anyway, once you've told them this, it might be difficult for them to understand so they'll probably want to talk to you, but don't talk to them. If they won't listen, get a tattoo, dye your hair, and get pregnant. They'll eventually adapt to how things are going to be and after a few weeks things will be fine. -- TROBY