2004-06-16
thief and dying date
DEAR
ABBYTROBY: My 20-year-old son, "Warren," has been stealing from me. He has taken money and my ATM card from my wallet and pawned more than $5,000 worth of my jewelry. Warren started a job recently, but he spends his pay within days.I know I should kick him out or have him arrested, but as a mother, I keep hoping he'll change. Also, I don't want my son to have a record.
I don't think Warren is on drugs because he recently passed a drug test at work. I doubt therapy will work because he seems to have no remorse. I didn't raise my son this way, Abby. He's my child and I hate to lose him. What should I do? -- DISTRAUGHT MOTHER
DEAR MUTHA: Steal all of his possessions and see how he likes it, he won't learn his lesson unless you teach him. You're right, sending him to a revolving door prison will do him no good if he doesn't want to be rehabilitated so you have to make him want it. Tell him he will want to stop stealing and make him feel uncomfortable by mutilating a neighborhood cat. Tell him that if he doesn't stop, keep him locked in your basement or dungeon until he learns his lesson. If he is remorseless, shave the right side of his head while he's asleep. -- TROBY
DEARABBYTROBY: I am 51 and still single. Recently I learned that I have a heart condition, and the doctors predict I have only five to 10 more years to live. I am in a turmoil trying to decide if it's fair to continue dating. My friends give me conflicting advice. What do you think is fair? -- TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE IN OREGON
DEAR DATED: I say go ahead, when you suddenly die, your girlfriend will be surprised and when she learns that you knew about your condition the whole time, she'll get a good laugh out of it, and you'll be remembered as the king of practical jokes. -- TROBY