Dear Troby

http://TroyH.us/Troby

2004-07-07

Miscarriages, marriage, and making babies

DEAR ~~ABBY~~ TROBY: The wife of one of my co-workers just had a miscarriage. It's her second one. If the baby had been born, I would send a sympathy card. But what should I do in a case like this? -- STUCK IN INDIANA

Send them a wire hangar with a note that says, "Well, at least you didn't have to use one of these." -- TROBY

DEAR ~~ABBY~~ TROBY: I am a 33-year-old single mother of two, in the process of moving to a new state to be near my family. My older sister and her husband have asked me to be the surrogate mother of a child for them. They have been trying to conceive a child for a long time without success. I agreed without reservation.
My problem is my boyfriend, "Pete." He doesn't understand how I can do it, and why I didn't ask his permission before deciding. We have been together only since September, and I didn't feel it was a decision that I needed to run past him. Although I am excited about being a surrogate for my sister, Pete is making me feel guilty about it. He insists he is just worried about me. I love Pete, but I don't want to feel guilty about the wonderful choice I have made. What should I do? -- SURROGATE SISTER

Why do they need to make new babies? Did you know that there are thousands of children out there available for adoption? You can even adopt kids from other countries to save them from suffering their entire lives in a repressive dictatorship. There are too many people already, don't be so selfish by making more, adopted children are just as good. -- TROBY

DEAR ~~ABBY~~ TROBY: I am 17 and currently involved with a guy from school. The guy that I was with for a year and a half (my ex) wants to marry me. I still have feelings for him, but not like I used to. I like my new boyfriend and don't really want to leave him. When my ex and I broke up, it was only supposed to be "a little time apart." My ex showed signs that he was moving on, so I did the same. Now that he wants to get back together, I don't know what to do. Should I go back with him and give it a chance or let him down gently? -- PULLED IN TWO DIRECTIONS

The best plan is to choose the one who has fathered more of your children or given you more venerial diseases. In the case of a tie, you have multiple issues to consider, such as which one is more of an alcoholic, which one of them is more abusive, and which one has more children with other women. However, I'd advise against marrying yet, you should wait until you get pregnant first, that seems to be the trend for young people these days. -- TROBY