Troy's Pages: Dear Troby

2004-07-14

Lesbianism, long hair, and giving to receive

DEAR ~~ABBY~~ TROBY: I noticed that my 16-year-old daughter wasn't her usual self. So I questioned her one night and asked if there was anything bothering her, or if she was worried about something. She started crying and told me she is gay.
I responded by crying with her and asking her if she was sure. She said she was. I told her she is still my daughter and I love her very much, but that I can't help hoping she's just confused and that as time goes on, she might see that this is not who she really is. I'm trying my best to accept it, but it is difficult at times.
Please help me understand if my feelings are normal. -- CONFUSED PARENT IN TEXAS

Your feelings are normal, when children don't turn out how their parents expect them to, it's understandable to be upset. It's good that you're trying to deal with it. It might not be too late though, you should look into sending your daughter to my counseling program, "Troby Teaches You to Turn Away from Touching Titties." This intimate overnight counseling session has been 100% successful at heterosexualizing female homosexuals. If you could get some of her lesbian friends to join the program, that would be even better.

I wouldn't worry too much about her fate, though, just as God surely forgives those who commit murder while insane, He forgives those people with the genetic defect of homosexuality. -- TROBY

DEAR ~~ABBY~~ TROBY: I am an almost-14-year-old boy in Iowa. My father thinks my hair is too long and says I should get a summer cut -- short like his, of course. The reason, according to my mom, is adults have said how bad my hair looks. I believe if they're going to be so rude as to say that to my mom, I should keep it long to keep them mad.
I get the feeling that my dad is afraid, as a physician, that it's hurting his reputation.
~~Abby~~ Troby, I'm a good kid. I get straight A's. I'm involved in many constructive activities, and my hair is just a little over my ears, almost touching my T-shirt collar in the back, and my bangs are brushed to the side. Who's right here? -- IRRITATED IN IOWA

I can see it now, two of your dad's patients discussing it, "Gee, I really like this doctor, but that son of his sure has long hair. I think I should find a new doctor. Damn hippies."

Don't let your dad's business ruin your freedom, every child has the right to grow their hair long if they want. You live in the land of the free and so if you want your hair long, it's nobody else's business, including your parents. So what if your hair is long? It looks bad, so what? Long hair does not harm you, it's just a fashion preference. If your parents can't deal with it, dye your hair just to piss them off more. An individual's appearance is his or her own responsibility. It's your parents responsibility to give you the option of looking good, but it's completely within your right to decline it. Besides, making you cut your hair now isn't going to divert you from your path towards an alcoholically hazed young adulthood full of petty crime and pregnant girlfriends. -- TROBY

DEAR ~~ABBY~~ TROBY: Every year, on my in-laws' birthdays, I prepare a beautiful dinner, bake or purchase a decorated cake and buy them a nice gift. My parents do the same for my husband.
When my birthday comes, my in-laws acknowledge it with only a card. My husband has talked to them about it (they are well off financially and could afford to take us out for dinner if his mom doesn't want to cook), but they feel that a card is adequate. They say, "People shouldn't do things for others because they expect something back."
Am I wrong to expect some kind of reciprocation? Frankly, I'm hurt. -- SLIGHTED IN MISSOURI

Yes, you are wrong. You give to give, you don't give to receive. As they said, "People shouldn't do things for others because they expect something back." Period. They're doing what they feel appropriate for your birthday, you shouldn't expect more. People should give gifts because they want to, if your in-laws don't give you an elaborate birthday bash, it's because they don't want to, and they shouldn't be coerced into giving more than they want.

As I see it, your in-laws probably aren't giving to you becuase you expect them to act contrary to their values by giving you a bigger gift than they want to for your birthday just because you're too selfish, old-fashioned, or insecure to graciously accept the card they send. -- TROBY