2004-07-21
Insanity, a neat freak, and tresspass
Dear Troby: Throughout my life people have always thought I was mentally insane, however I want to prove that I am not. What can I do to make people think I am sane? Should I accept their feelings about me? Should I stop listening to the voices in my head? I just don't know what to do. -- Mental in Michigan
Troby tries to teach people to confront problems in their lives, it's good that you're ready to make a change. There are many ways that you could approach this. The simplest and most subtle way would be to stamp your hand (or tatoo it) with the word, "sane," and/or every day wear a shirt that says, "sane." If there are particular individuals to whom you would like to show your sanity, ask them to come home with you some day. Don't take "no" for an answer, use force if necessary. You want to show them that you live a normal life, just like everybody else. Take them to your house, restrain them so that they don't escape, and let them observe you in your natural setting for a few days. They will clearly see then, just how sane you are. If you deem it appropriate, once they acknowledge your sanity, even if it takes years, you can let them return back to their normal life, or, if you'd like, feel free to ritualistically mutilate and kill them as punishment for their initial misjudgment. -- TROBY
DEARABBYTROBY: I have been married five years to a man I truly love. The problem is, he's a "neat freak," and it's destroying our marriage.I work full time, commute about 100 miles a day, raise two children with whom I spend a lot of time, cook a homemade dinner almost every night, and keep the house clean. It is never enough for him. I walk on eggshells trying to keep the house according to his standards and let my children be children and have fun.
If the kids are going to have friends overnight, I make sure it's on a night when he'll be gone. Our children can't go barefoot in the yard, and our shoes must be removed at the door and kept in perfect alignment. If the children eat cookies at the kitchen table, he complains about the crumbs.
He was gone this weekend. The children and I cleaned the house, picked lemons from our trees and baked him a homemade pie, and prepared a nice dinner for him. When he got home all he did was yell because someone had tracked mud on the porch. He never even said hello. My 3-year-old kept saying, "Daddy, we made you a pie and cooked supper," but he wouldn't stop griping.
Please help. Divorce is not an option because it would destroy the children. How can I get him to realize that his obsessive-compulsive disorder is hurting our family? He thinks it is normal. -- AT MY WIT'S END IN TEXAS
You have to walk on eggshells all the time? I can see why he's upset, if I had eggshells all over my floor, I'd be upset too. If messes really upset him, see how he responds to having bits of his skull spattered about the floor. -- TROBY
DEARABBYTROBY: My husband and I live in a small community of fewer than 200 people. We installed a swimming pool in our back yard and made the mistake of allowing neighbors to come over to swim.I recently started a home-based business, and one of my neighbors refuses to understand that I have to work. Even in the winter she comes over and sits on our yard furniture, waiting for me to come out and talk to her. In the summer, she comes unannounced and either sunbathes in our yard or swims in our pool. One day she caught my poor husband on the deck tanning in his birthday suit.
We have asked people to call before coming, but some of our neighbors have come to swim and left their kids there -- as though I am expected to baby-sit for them.
Have you anything I could laminate and post in my back yard that will remind my neighbors about observing common courtesy and not coming over unannounced? -- DESPERATE IN KANSAS
Cases like this are why we have the Second Amendment. The simple thing to do would be to sit outside and chase them away with a .44 Magnum, or comparably powerful killing instrument. If you feel that to be too confrontational and if simply locking them out of your yard is not an option, you should spread bear traps and landmines throughout your yard. In the case that they still make it to the pool, put so much chlorine in there that it makes their eyes bleed. -- TROBY