2004-08-04
girls, hairdressers, and ex-cons
DEARABBYTROBY: I met a girl at school who isn't the prettiest girl I've ever seen, but she's one of the nicest people you will ever meet. I really like her, but I'm scared to tell her how I feel. Would you please give me some advice on how to approach her? -- CONFUSED IN MARYLAND
DEAR FUTURE RAPIST: She's not the prettiest you've ever seen? Why are you wasting your time with her? First, approach the prettiest girl you've ever seen, and then after you've gotten her pregnant you can proceed to the second prettiest, and so forth.
To approach a girl, it would be most advisable to simply try to form a friendship with her and to then see where it leads. To attract her attention, show her your interest - ladies love strange signs of affection. Send an unexpected bouquet of flowers to her or mail a single playing card - the queen of hearts - to her, without explanation, then cut off your ear and mail it to her with a witty card that says something like "I wouldn't want to live on EARth without you" or "I wish you were hear with me." You could also put a ring in your ear and then ask her to accept it as an engagement ring. Troby wishes you good fortune. -- TROBY
DEARABBYTROBY: Last weekend, I gave my hairdresser, "Zelda," an especially generous tip. She had done a particularly good job and I thought she deserved it.The next time I visited Zelda, she charged me a higher price to include the amount I had tipped her. I paid the bill without disputing it, and now she expects that much every time. I feel taken advantage of. In addition, if Zelda isn't there when I need an appointment and I use another hairdresser, I am asked how much I pay Zelda before I'm told how much I owe. I have heard them charge other customers a smaller fee.
I'm annoyed and upset, but I don't know what to do about it. I like the job Zelda does, so I don't want to switch. I just wish I had never been so generous. -- PULLING MY HAIR OUT IN L.A.
DEAR HAIRY OLD LADY: There's nothing wrong with you being generous, it was just wrong of her to raise her price. She is obviously being very naughty and deserves punishment, perhaps a spanking. If she likes tips so much, see how she likes the tip of your 9 millimeter. Maybe you and her can resolve this issue with your fists and guns, like all red-blooded Americans. -- TROBY
DEARABBYTROBY: My dad went to prison in 1989 and was released last November. My sister and I were excited that Dad was coming home, but it has been a nightmare. He is manipulative, whiny and endlessly needy.He moved in with my sister and she's going crazy. She asked me to take him, but after my husband saw the way Dad behaves, he flat out refused to have him in our home. I agree with him.
Dad keeps making excuses about why he can't live on his own. He claims he doesn't have the money, but then he goes out and buys all kinds of things for himself. He refuses to accept responsibility for his actions and insists that things are everybody else's fault.
My sister feels too guilty to kick him out, and I am at the end of my rope. Dad won't go to counseling because he thinks he doesn't need it. Is this a case for tough love? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN WASHINGTON
DEAR DADDY'S DAUGHTER: Another example of our revolving door prisons letting people out without enough time for them to wither away and die.
There's nothing wrong with your dad feeling how he does, that's normal. He has plenty of things working against him and his only hope is for a government program to come along and give him money.
It's understandable, though, for your sister to want to kick him out, she shouldn't feel guilty...yet. You and her need to find a way to frame him. Tell the cops that he was planning to distribute drugs, that'll easily put him away for a while longer. -- TROBY