2004-08-18
suicide threat, public displays of affection, and dishes
DEARABBYTROBY: My friend "Sheila" is going through a rough divorce. She called one night and told me she was going to kill herself. When I tried to calm her and talk her out of it, she hung up on me. I tried calling her back for about 10 minutes. Then, fearing she had injured herself, I called the police.When they went to Sheila's home and couldn't find her, they called me, and I suggested some other places she might be. They managed to locate her and took her to the hospital. She was released, and now she's mad at me. Sheila says I overreacted -- she wasn't really going to do it -- and that it's my fault she got bruised from the encounter. (It was storming and muddy, and they fell in the mud.)
I asked her for forgiveness. She said she wants nothing more to do with me. I love Sheila like family. I did what I was always taught to do in a situation like that. Did I do something wrong? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN INDIANA
DEAR BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME: The only thing you did wrong was not encourage her to kill herself. Sheila is obviously overreacting, not you, and you should have jumped on the opportunity to get rid of someone like that. You still have a chance, but it will be more difficult. Do what you can to make her life worse so that maybe you won't have to bloody up your car to take care of business. -- TROBY
DEARABBYTROBY: My boyfriend, "Ron," and I have been together for six years and have lived together for two. We are planning to be married.I work close to home and sometimes Ron meets me for lunch nearby. When he drops me off, he insists on kissing me in the car in front of the building, a long, lingering tongue kiss. I think it is inappropriate, because my bosses and co-workers have windows right there, and there are often clients outside.
When I try to pull away, or explain why it makes me uncomfortable, Ron gets upset and says I must be ashamed of him or something. That's not true! I would simply rather keep such displays of affection confined to our house, or at least away from my workplace. Am I wrong? -- EMBARRASSED IN BOSTON
DEAR FIANCE OF A CONTROLLING EXHIBITIONIST: No, he's wrong. Public displays of affection are inappropriate, keep that crap in the bedroom, nobody wants to see that. What next, is he going to start to rape you before dropping you off at work? Back in my day, people weren't even allowed to hug in public. -- TROBY
DEARABBYTROBY: I am married, with a 12-year-old daughter. We share a three-bedroom apartment with a lady who is a friend of the family. She is always doing dishes, even though I have repeatedly requested that she not do so.When she does the dishes, more than half of them are still dirty. What should I do about this? Continue to rewash them? It seems like a waste of effort and water. -- FRUSTRATED IN WASHINGTON
DEAR DISH PERSON: Break the dishes over her head and soil them with her blood and make her clean the blood off with her tongue. Whatever you do, don't approach her about it. People are strange, when confronted with the truth, they are liable to overreact and threaten suicide. Make up some excuses, tell her that you didn't pay your water bill and so your water was shut off, and then turn it off. Or, fill the drain with old dog food so that the water won't drain and the smell will keep her away. Maybe you could have the sink removed one night, imagine the look on her face when she wakes up in the morning expecting to start her day by washing a stack full of dishes. Or, you could do the dishes yourself. Maybe the easiest solution would be to just switch to paper plates. This lady doesn't sound stable, I'd recommend that you look into locking her up. -- TROBY