2005-02-14
boobies, sexual pressure, revolving doors
DEAR TROBY: My boyfriend is obsessed with large breasts and constantly "hints" that I should enlarge my 34Cs. Lately he has been coming home late and telling me that he's been working overtime, when I know for a fact that he's been hanging out with his ex-girlfriend, a stripper with 38DDs.I love my boyfriend and don't want to lose him, but I'm not sure about enlargement. If it's the only way I can get him away from her, I guess I'll do it. What do you think, Troby? -- NOT BUSTY ENOUGH IN PHILLY
DEAR FATTY-TISSUE BRAINS: If you're not sure whether your breasts are large enough, Troby would be glad to arrange a personal consultation to further assist.
If your boyfriend wants to be with you, your breast size shouldn't matter to him, and if its the physical assets that are important to him, he'll leave you way before your boobs sag down to your kneecaps.
Your could get your breasts enlarged so you can either hit him with them and knock him unconscious or put them in his face until he suffocates. -- TROBY
DEAR TROBY: I have been going out with "Elijah" for a year and a half. I love him, but sometimes he tries to get me to do things I really don't want to do sexually. I don't know how to tell him no, because I don't want him to hate me. I feel pressured every time I'm with him, and sometimes I'm scared to be alone with him. What should I do? I need help. -- WORRIED GIRLFRIEND IN N.C.
DEAR SUCKA N.C.: You're the one at fault, missy, for being too much of a prude. Have you looked at a calendar lately? It's the year 200-freakin'-5. Puritan ideals such as waiting until marriage for sex and not sucking every dick you find have been out of style for a while now. I think the pressure on you will stop when you finally submit to giving him head on command. Or, get pregnant with his child and I'm sure he won't pressure you anymore, in fact, he probably won't even acknowledge you anymore. -- TROBY
DEAR TROBY: What's the proper etiquette when escorting a woman through a revolving door? I never know whether to send her in first, or if I should enter first and do the initial pushing. Revolving doors can be heavy, and I can only imagine that it's difficult for a petite woman -- or one wearing high heels -- to maneuver. But I don't want to be rude and charge through a door in front of my date. Have you any advice? -- GOING IN CIRCLES IN HOUSTON
DEAR WHO CARES: Let the woman go through first and then push the opposite direction on the door so that she gets stuck. -- TROBY