2008-01-16
druggie stepson, creepy father-in-law, and irrelevant
DEAR TROBY: After 30 years as a widow, I married a wonderful, gentle, caring man. The problem is his son, "Byron." Byron is a 50-year-old druggie who doesn't work and sponges off his father by making promises he never keeps.
My husband forgives him over and over because Byron is his only son. But the fighting is going to cause my husband to have a heart attack. His son rants, screams and threatens. I have personally heard him make death threats.
I finally lost my temper and told Byron exactly how I feel. Now he is refusing to come over, refuses to help his father in any way and blames me. I know what he is doing, and it breaks my heart to see my husband in such pain.
What can I do to mend the fences? Everything I said to his son is the truth. Please guide me. -- HEARTSICK IN SEATTLE
DEAR WIFE OF A MAN WHOSE SON IS A BIG FAT STUPID 50-YEAR-OLD RETARDED BABY: I know exactly what you can do to bring Byron back into your lives. Get a few kilos of crack and put it in your living room. Give Byron a call and see how long it takes him to come over. Then instead of mending the fences, raise them around the house, reinforce them with 6 feet of cement, add guard dogs and gun turrets. Leave Byron in there until he overcomes his drug addiction...or dies from starvation - either way the problem will be gone. And depending on what order, you and your husband might be able to have some fun later.
DEAR TROBY: I am a stay-at-home mom with two little girls. My problem is that my father-in-law insists on visiting us when his son -- my husband -- is at work. I find it weird and imposing. I have already voiced my discomfort to my husband. He tells me I am being ridiculous and selfish. Is that so?
My father-in-law also shows up at my part-time job unannounced to "visit" me. Am I being ridiculous? -- INVADED IN SHORT HILLS, N.J.
DEAR SOON TO BE INVADED IN ANOTHER AREA IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN: Um, you should watch out for this guy. What the hell does he do all day? Stalk people? If he's going to come by and make you uncomfortable, you should at least get something out of it. Put him to work while he's there - have him clean your house. Get him to organize your underwear drawer and clean your bathroom (as long as you're taking a shower in there so that you can keep an eye on him). If that doesn't chase him off, make him uncomfortable by using the toilet with the door open or announcing your conversion to nudism. I'm sure that's the last thing he wants and will keep him from coming back.
DEAR TROBY: Please advise "Has Issues in New Hampshire" (Dec. 5) to speak up now. My husband and I were married when my daughter was 8. He adopted her, but even after that, when his family took photographs, she was excluded. She's now 29 and still remembers those hurtful occasions when she was not included.
Ironically, the sister who did it every year is now married and has an adopted son, so things have changed. But I deeply regret not saying something years ago because it affected the way my daughter feels about her aunt. -- WISER NOW, FARWELL, MICH.
DEAR STUPIDER NOW: Um, what are you talking about? I think you're writing to the wrong advice columnist. Next time figure that out before wasting my time reading your dumb letter.